


Meishu

by RicsChaos



Series: Quinntana Week 2013 [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: Drama, F/F, Samurai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 20:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RicsChaos/pseuds/RicsChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Japan, Edo period 1635: Lucy is a pretty girl who used to feed the ducklings by the bridge at the pond. One day she meets San, the merchant’s daughter, and falls in love with her.<br/>Quinntana Week #4: Historical time period</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meishu

**Author's Note:**

> Explaination of some appearing words:  
> Bushi – warrior  
> Koku – measure unit  
> Naginata – long weapon consisting of a wooden shaft and a curved blade  
> Mochi –rice cake  
> Ohayou gozaimasu – jap for good morning  
> Kenji - swordsman  
> Yucata – summer kimono  
> Zazen - meditation  
> Hai – jap for yes  
> Dojo – place of training  
> Seppuku – ritual suicide, also known as harakiri  
> Shoji – door, consisting of translucent paper  
> Kamae – base position in kendo
> 
> Also I changed the names slightly, so they fit better into the Japan setting:  
> San – Santana  
> Jeiku – Jake  
> Rus - Russell

Meishu

 

It was the year 1635, when Lucy was born into this world. It had been 35 years after Tokugawa Ieyasu united the country Japan, which had previously been ruled by several Shoguns until Tokugawa, successor of the battle of Sekighara, had made himself the only emperor. Under him, the different local areas were ruled by the vassals, the Daimy **ō** , who stood in faithful service to the Shogun and were rewarded with land and people.Our story takes place in the Harima province, near the Akashi Domain, ruled by the local Daimyo, Ogasawara Tadazane.

Lucy was the oldest of 7 siblings, 5 sisters and one brother, Shichiro, who was the youngest. Her father Rus, a broad, honourable man, had been, like his own father, a _bushi_ , a samurai, standing in duty for the Daimyo Ogasawara. The koku rice Lucy’s father earned a year was plenty, but with 7children, this was also not as lucrative as one might think. Rus, though, was happy and pleased about all his children, and not less pleased that he had so many daughters. Not like old Kazuo, for example, who had swallowed down his anger about the lack of sons until he became so grumpy and bitter that he couldn’t enjoy anything anymore. And his daughters were just the same. No smile appeared on their lips ever, whenever they walked past the people. It was no wonder because they never learned to smile. They knew nothing but to look as sour as their father, their example for behaviour.  Lucy though, grew up with the philosophy, that it was most important to be light-hearted and that any kind of anger only burdened the people’s mind. A bad mind was not useful at all. It didn’t let them focus on the things that made them happy and that was a waste of time because life was short enough. Negative thoughts were also not healthy. Lucy was the oldest daughter of the family. Because there was no older son or cousin, it was her who learned all the things, an elder son would usually learn from his father. Rus didn’t mind; he didn’t see a difference in the abilities of boys and girls, which made him quite unique. She was his daughter; his blood. This was, what counted, and it had nothing to do with any gender for him. He let her help him with the things girls would usually not have access to. She worked harder than any other girl she knew.  On top of the usual chores like cooking, washing, helping with harvest, she learned to take care of the household money, which was usually a thing the men did; she learned to speak to the neighbours like a landlord did. Women were still quite involved in the work like the men were; they could even learn to use a weapon- the _naginata_. But Lucy, she was the apple of Rus’ eye, learned much more than that. She was always more like a son to him.  

“Lucy,” he spoke to her one day; she was only 8. “Always keep care to carry your head straight and your shoulders back.”  And she had no clue what he meant yet and kept bowing and dropping her head when adults passed by.

On Sundays she used to walk to the Shinto shrine with two coins in her pocket. One she spent to make a wish at the shrine, and with the other, she bought a rice cake on her way back for her family. Whenever she did that, she would take the way over the bridge by the duck pond. It was her favourite place to visit because it was so peaceful, and in spring, the cherry trees would grow its blossoms and embrace the place in beautiful rose light. On a significant day, she was there on the bridge like so often, feeding the ducklings with a piece of her _mochi_ , staring onto the water.  It was a very quiet place. Very rarely people would pass by, but whenever someone did, Lucy would bow her head in respect and greet politely. On this day, a young girl appeared; a girl Lucy had never seen in her life before. Lucy glanced at her from the corner of her eye. She must have been new. As the girl stepped closer, Lucy spotted her pretty hair; it was long and black and silky, and she couldn’t quite turn her eyes away. She wore it in a simple pony tail, unlike hers which was carefully put into a bun, like fine people did it at the time. Immediately Lucy knew- this girl was different. But what was it exactly that made it different? She had no idea. She just found her fascinating,

" _Ohayou Gozaimasu_ ", Lucy said politely and in clear voice, like she had learned it. She straitened her back and bowed her head in an accurate angle; her eyes opened wide and her mouth pulled into a light smile.  The neighbours often said, that Lucy was one of the most polite and nicest girls in the neighbourhood.  When their eyes met, Lucy stiffened, noticing her opposite freezing as well. The girl didn't move and didn't bow her head in return.  Instead she just stared at Lucy.  Dark and curious eyes observed her with such depth, it made her a tiny bit uncomfortable.  

"Ohayou," she chirped back eventually.  Lucy didn't mind, that this was not so polite than it should have been. The smile she was throwing Lucy made up for it immediately.

Instead of just walking past her, the other girl stopped at the bridge and glanced down to where Lucy continued to feed the ducklings. There were about fifteen baby ducks on the pond. ten of them were the fastest and always caught the food in time. The other ones were slow, but trying to reach it. Poor, slow ducklings, Lucy thought and tried to throw the cake into their direction. But the other ones, the greedy ones, were still too fast for them.

“Why are you feeding them when they can find food in the nature?” It was the girl who had spoken. She eyed Lucy with curiosity.

“Because I love them,” she answered like it was obvious. The other girl scrunched her face. “My father always says, when you love someone, you should show them. Show them, so they know they are loved.”

For a long while Lucy felt the other girl staring at her, while she just held her gaze at the ducklings. For sure she loved the ducklings. The more she did, the more frustrated she became that the five slow ducklings didn’t get any of her food. What was love worth when they were not able to receive it?

“This is a nice place,” the girl stated, pulling Lucy out of her thoughts.

“It’s my favourite place,” she answered simply, considering saying more just for the sake of talking. It didn’t matter because the other girl already went on. She seemed to like that, talking. Something that they would always be different in.

“I’ve never been here. We are new to the area. My dad is a merchant.”

They stood together and fed the ducklings, and not a lot was spoken between them. Mostly it was the girl raising the voice. Lucy liked the way she spoke to her, and she liked the way she smiled at her. There was something about her, something courageous. Something different. Lucy was smitten from the first second she saw her, and wondered secretly, if this could be their new favourite place together.

And if this day wasn’t fateful enough already, there was another coming by to join their gathering. It was Jeiku. When he saw the girls, he stopped on his way and waved happily. Lucy liked him. He was smart and friendly, and he liked hanging out with her. He was the son of a samurai family, living in their neighbourhood, and they used play stick fighting together sometimes. When he stepped closer, his eyes automatically fixed on the new girl besides Lucy. He eyed her with curiosity.

“This is...” Lucy began the instruction, realising that she didn’t even know the girl’s name.

“San,” she filled the gap. “My name is San.”

“Ohayou gozaimasu,” Jeiku nodded politely, smiling. He turned away slowly, pretending to just walk by, but his eyes betrayed him. He would really like to join the girls.

It happened that the three children met up at the bridge together whenever they had time. It became their own little tradition. The bridge and the pond were the perfect place to play around and be all silly, away from the strict and serious grown-ups, away from duties and chores. Still, San and Lucy still met alone sometimes, to feed the ducklings together. It was nice to play with her and Jeiku, but the times with San alone were precious to Lucy.  With every time they spent time alone she felt her growing closer to her and opening up her heart to her.

*

They were twelve when the big fire shocked the province. Three family houses were in flames, as well as the tax council. It was a disaster, in which not only personal belongings, but also human lives were eliminated. Without the help of the civilians, who helped the fire men to extinguish the fire, even worse could have happened. Sadly, Rus, Lucy’s father, had been one of the courageous helpers who died in the smoke as he came to rescue the little boy trapped between burning walls. It was a black day, the people would never forget, and even a sadder day for the families who had lost their members. The memory of that day burned into Lucy’s mind like the fire which killed her father. It would give her nightmares for years, and it would change her life drastically.

With Rus, the family had not only lost her beloved husband and father, but also all their incomes. Unfortunately other members of their clan, uncles and great uncles, were not alive anymore, and their existence was threatened. The only man in the family was Shichirou, who was only two years old by the time, and the mother and daughters couldn’t work enough to keep the family alive. Therefore, Lucy was allowed to work for Asano, a _kenji_ , who had been good friends with Rus and stood in good relation of the Daimyo himself.  He knew what talents were slumbering in Lucy, and didn’t intend on just wasting her talents for only letting her cook and do house work for him. Like her father had always taught her, Lucy was willed and ready to work and fight for her struggling family. Asano knew this, he was blesses with wisdom, therefore he decided to continue teaching her the things men had to know to lead a family. Unlike every girl, who learned to use the Naginata, Lucy learned to master the sword. It was the right thing for her at the time; she began to practise very hard every day on top of her usual work, trying to forget the pain and the grief; her thoughts were always with her family.

As a result of the stress and the mourning over her husband, Lucy’s mother became ill, and she soon barely lfet her bed. Lucy worked even harder to feed her family, harder than anyone at her age. Asano saw her effort she put in all her work and he saw her progress in her sword fighting. He made sure to pay her well to treat her hard work. There was nothing she was living for but for her family, and for the sword; and she felt neither like man nor like woman. She just felt like someone who wanted to survive. With seventeen, she changed her name as she thought, the name Lucy belonged to someone she once knew, but wasn’t her anymore. She called herself Kuinn, or Quinn. The kanji could also be read as _meishu_ , which meant wise ruler; something that reminded her always of the wisdom and love  of her father. She put her hair into a bun like bushi wore it, just without shaving her hair parting, because she wasn’t a samurai in duty. And the people eventually forgot about Lucy, but they saw Quinn and how she treated everyone with friendliness and respect. People called her the girl who cared, or the person who never failed a smile although she worked so hard; or just _hikari_ , which meant _light_.  She stood in a lot of people’s favours; barely anyone disliked her.

Jeiku learned, like her, the way of the sword, and they became companions, practising together at the _dojo_. Unlike him, she wasn’t able to stop at their favourite bridge anymore to watch the ducklings grow and have their own ducklings. She would usually just pass by, carrying sacks of rice on her way back from work. Often she saw them sitting together, Jeiku and San, like in the good old times. Quinn would wave and disappear under the trees, with a sad smile on her face. She missed San, but there was barely time for melancholy. Day by day, she noticed that Jeiku sat closer and closer to San, yet he never mentioned it to Quinn. They didn’t speak about this, but she just knew that he had feelings for her. So often, she caught San’s eye, when she passed by and she seemed pleased and happy in this moment. Quinn ignored the weird twists in her guts whenever that happened. Bad feelings were not worth the time. She remembered her father’s words, trying to be light-hearted, never let the trouble invade the mind. But even though sheignored the feeling, she could feel it growing with every time she saw her and every thought she spent on her.

*

The time passed by. Jeiku was called into the Daimyo’s service, and so was Quinn, after Asano suggested her to the Daimyo, speaking about how she worked so hard for her family, and how she enjoyed quite a reputation in the neighbourhood. She became samurai, neither boy, nor girl. She was just Quinn, responsible and head of her family in every way now, and earning enough koku herself to bring the family back to a normal financial state. 

She hadn’t been to the shrine for ages, and decided it was the best thing to do on her free day after her ceremony.  On her way back, she saw a small figure sitting by the water. Nobody had to tell her; she knew it was San and she knew that she was waiting for Jeiku, Her heart felt heavy by the sight of her standing there. Jeiku and San were close, they must have been very close by now. Quinn was sure, that it wouldn’t take him long to ask her to take her as his wife, now he’d become a samurai and enough income to keep a wife. Quinn ducked her head and rushed passed the bridge, hoping she wouldn’t be seen, but San called after her.

Quinn froze, swallowing. She couldn’t spend time with her, it was not healthy. San was waiting for Jeiku. This confused her mind.

“Lucy...”

Quinn straightened up, hearing her old name, her past name; the name she had, when everything was fine, and nothing broken.

“I am Quinn now, “she muttered.

“I like your old one,” she replied softly. “It reminds me of the old times at this bridge.” Her eyes tried to find Quinn’s, but she just looked down, avoiding them. She avoided them for good reasons.

“It’s not who I am anymore,” Quinn answered, turning around to her, but watching her feet instead. She couldn’t tell what San meant with this. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. San waited for Jeiku.

“Will you sit by me?” From the corner of her eye, Quinn watched San shifting in her place, patting the spot next to her. It was supposed to be Jeikus spot.

“I’d rather not...” There was disappointment in San’s eyes, Quinn could feel it. She forced herself to look away.

“You have changed a lot,” San smiled weakly.

Yes, because she had to. She shrugged.

“I miss you.”

A little firework exploded in Quinn’s chest and let her shudder by the feeling. Words wanted to form on her tongue, but they were heavy and not supposed to be said. She swallowed them down again. There was a sparkle in San’s eye, boring themselves through Quinn’s head. Those words, three words were only for her, and not for Jeiku. Quinn wanted to reply that she missed her, too; that she would do nothing rather than sitting next to San all day, looking at the water, and secretly looking at her whenever she turned away her gaze. But all of that was impossible. It was a dream; a fantasy that was not supposed to be in her head.

“I... I can’t”, she replied instead. These words counted for everything that had to do with the girl looking at her. She couldn’t sit with her anymore, be small and carefree like in old times. It wasn’t her and this was not meant to be. The spot next to her was supposed to be for Jeiku.  
“I know...” San dropped her head. She looked so sad. Even this was wrong. She wasn’t supposed to be sad because of Quinn. They remained in silence for a long while. Quinn glanced up a little, noticing that San had turned her gaze to the water again. Her dark hair shimmered blue in the dim of the light. Her features were soft and beautiful, fitting the red _Yucata_ she was wearing, perfectly.

Quinn made a step towards her, taking in a breath.

“Jeiku is late today,” she heard herself speaking.  San’s head drove around, meeting Quinn’s gaze with fire, startling her. She fixed her until Quinn turned away again, embarrassed for those words that had slipped, holding her gaze on the frogs by the water instead of San.

Only politeness kept her from running away, but everything in her screamed at her to turn her back never meeting San’s lovely face again.

“I’m not waiting for Jeiku,“ San replied eventually, shifting in her place, trying to catch Quinn’s gaze, but she forced herself desperately to look away.

“O-okay,” she squint her eyes, taking a short breath. There was a pause.

“I came here to look at the water, and watch the ducks, thinking of how much I missed time spent with you here.”

_She missed the old times with her._

“And I was hoping that you would show up...”

Quinn felt the sudden urge to go. Whatever she was going to say, it wouldn’t be good for her, for neither of them. She didn’t want to hear it.

“I was hoping that that you would want to spend time with me, too.”

“I-I have to go,” Quinn burst out, dragging her foot back and nearly stumble over her other. “I-I am sorry!” Her face felt hot as she turned around and ran down the path away from San, her heart hammering in her chest.

 

After this, Quinn avoided the bridge as much as she could. It was better like this. Better, because the more she was around her; the more it involved her into this mess of feelings. The way she had felt her heart pounding the last time she had seen her, had scared her. It was a strange feeling, which confused her in any way possible. It was like it wanted to keep her mind away from all important things. It made her drift off in thoughts at work, and it made her restless. It even made her lose her appetite. It made her weak, when she couldn’t afford to be weak. Her family and her Daimyo needed her.

Like assumed, Jeiku proposed to San just a few days after his ceremony. When he mentioned it to Quinn the other night on their way back home to drive in the taxes, Quinn had nodded respectfully and said to him, that it was a good idea to do so, as they had known each other for so long now. Her heart had throbbed as hell when she spoke those words; it had made her clutch her fingers tightly around the hilt of her Katana to keep herself from shaking. At home then, she had asked her sister to pour her a sake, and tried to cure the shaking by drinking. It had indeed stopped the trembling, but it hadn’t cured the urge to think about her, about them and about their engagement. She shouldn’t be sad about this because she had chosen not to be. Well, at least she didn’t have to worry about San’s words by the bridge anymore. Her confession that she had missed Quinn, that the spot next to her wasn’t reserved to Jeiku, but for her and God knows what else she could have said, if Quinn hadn’t run away. At least she didn’t have to be bothered by this conversation anymore. All she had to do now was waiting for the pain to go away, as well as the feelings that made her stomach jump whenever she saw her smiling. Until then, she would avoid the bridge even more now, and when spring came it broke her heart because she would have loved to see the cherry trees blooming.

*

Jeiku was a brave young man with no fear and a big heart. He was determined to follow his duty for the Daimyo and he was keen to fill his family with pride. To achieve that, he didn’t even have to try. He was very clever and talented in almost everything he did. On top of this, he was good looking and didn’t have to worry to find someone to marry him. His family loved him dearly and the neighbourhood loved him for his kindness. With his engagement with San, he made his life even more perfect. The complete opposite of him was his older brother, Noah. He had always been in his brother’s shadow. Noah was a stubborn and rude and impatient young man. He was in every way jealous of his brother. When Jeiku became Samurai- a privilege that he had never gotten himself- his jealousy reached the tip of the top. He could have been so much better, but his lack of self-control resulted in the fact that he never properly fulfilled his own work because he was too busy envying others whilst bragging at the same time. Over the time his reputation as the black sheep of the family grew, but instead of fixing his attitude, he started to vent his aggression at other people. And so it happened that one night, he came home absolutely plastered and without no control over himself anymore. He began an argument with Jake, who was  in his bedroom and unaware. Jeiku wasn’t able to calm him with words and in the next second he was on him, shaking him by the shoulders and yelling at him. Jeiku struggled to throw him off of him. When he managed to pull him away, and scold him for his foolish behaviour, Noah grabbed the wakizashi from Jeikus shelf, drew it, and stabbed it Jeiku in between Jeikus neck and collarbone. Then, realising what he had done, he jumped off and panicked. When he heard footsteps of the other family members, he ran, leaving his brother lying in his own blood. The next morning, the whole town stood in shock. Jeiku, one of the city’s favourites was dead. Jeiku, the nice boy, the one who was going to get married.

The news shattered Quinn, and also shattered San. The day of his burial they sat together and Quinn pulled San into her arms. It was okay to hug her, and it was all going to be okay, she told herself. They were both sad, and Jeiku had been their best friend. But still her heart was thumping wildly in her chest. The feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time was one of the strangest things she had ever felt. For the first time in a long while she felt like crying. She fought back the tears, burying her head into her shoulders instead.

After the time of mourning, Quinn was offered a mission she would not refuse. She was supposed to go and find Noah and bring him to justice. Quinn was close to his family and couldn’t and didn’t want to refuse this. It was an honour for her. She wanted to make him pay what he did to Jeiku, to his family. What he did to San and herself. But she forbid herself to be angry. Anger was a weakness. Anger was, like every intense feeling, except from maybe the love you should have for your duties, nothing a Samurai should feel. Negative feelings were something had had made Noah kill his brother. She spent two days meditating about this, trying to empty her mind, trying to find balance. In her _zazen_ she realised that this task could be her end. Noah was not a samurai, but he had been a kenshi, a swordsman. He knew how to use a sword and if she wasn’t careful...  she could die. A samurai always needed to be prepared to die any second. But sometimes, the human mind seemed to forget. Thinking of Jeiku, she reminded herself and decided to never look a day ahead anymore.

*

When the day came that Quinn went out on her journey (they had spotted Jeiku hiding just a two days journey away) she went her way over the bridge one last time. San knew that Quinn was heading off, so it didn’t surprise Quinn when she saw her standing there, gazing down when Quinn approached her slowly. This was goodbye. She was ready to go out and ready to die, if she had to. She was ready to look into San’s eyes one last time. When San turned around and returned her look, there was a fire glowing in them. Quinn was the first to speak:  
“I am going to find Noah to make him pay for what he’s done.” She kept her eyes locked on her. Santana nodded slowly.

“Will I see you again?” she breathed.

“I don’t know.” Quinn kept her voice as straight as possible. “I must be aware that I won’t come back at all.”

“So this is goodbye?”

“ _Hai_.”

“Do you have a moment to share with me? A last one?” There was hesitation in her voice. Quinn could feel her fear of rejection in her tone.

“Yes.”

It pained her to see trouble in San’s eyes. She didn’t want to hurt her.

They sat down into the grass by the water.

“Do you miss him?” Quinn asked, speaking about Jeiku,

“I do, He was a friend. Do _you_ miss him?”

“Yes. It pains me to see his family struggling; now they lost both their sons. I am sorry about your engagement.”

A silence fell between them.

“Quinn... I wanted to tell you something since... since forever. I waited for you here almost every day to tell you.”

“You waited for Jeiku, you didn’t wait for me.” Quinn blurted out.

“That’s not true, I waited for you. Jeiku always came by and sat next to me, but I didn’t wait for him to come. I waited for you. But you would just pass by and nod.”

Quinn shook her head violently. She tried to shake off the truth, but it was not possible.

”I thought you were here for him.”

“I wasn’t,” said San. “I always came for you. Since the first day. I know you were busy and couldn’t spend time, but when I was by the bridge I could at least see your face.”

“You talk nonsense.”

“And I know you feel the same.”

“San...”

“Do you think I haven’t seen your looks?” Quinn turned away her gaze, “and the way you avoid my eyes like right now?”

“San, I... I have to be a strong person. I can’t afford investing in feelings I’m not supposed to have.”

She was the flame, and Quinn was burning herself on her.

“Why not? You could ask my father for my hand in marriage. You are an honourable, and nice and kind.... person, Quinn. You are a samurai.”

“I can’t ask him such a favour.” She considered it while she felt her hands trembling. Was this conversation really happening? “If he rejects me I will be sinking in my reputation. I might even put my family at risk.”

“Please, Quinn? As if my father rejects you. Everyone loves you. You are more than just someone.” Tears glittered in San’s eyes as she was about to cry.

“You will find another man. Someone who can... make you happy,” Quinn said.

“But YOU make me happy” She reached out and wrapped her fingers around Quinn’s arm.

“Don’t be foolish!” Quinn tried to push away, but San held her in place. She squeezed her arm, glaring at her intensely.

“I am not!”

Quinn fell into silence.

“I am sorry,” she muttered. Her arm burned from her touch. It was like the heat had peeled away her skin to the flesh. “I have to leave. What is my mind worth for the fight when it is attached to the love of the woman I can’t have,”

San starred at her for a moment, but then her lips curled into a smile.  

“Your words are sharp like your sword. And they would seem wise to me.  But let me tell you that I am giving you my heart not to burden your soul.”

“Why are you giving it to me?” Quinn surely knew nothing about love. She knew about the sword, and about the love of the family, but about the love of a partner, she had only heard them speaking of. And most of the time it was negative, at least in the dojo. Love blinded, they said. It made you weak.

“Someone once told me, that when you love someone you should show them. Show them, so they know they are loved. You shall have my heart because there is nobody else I would ever give it to. You shall have it because I love you.”

Quinn trembled. Those words… She had longed to hear them for so long. And yet she was scared of them, even more scared than of any enemy she would ever face in a duel.

“But I might die tomorrow, and I would miss you when I lay there, holding my last breath, and with the breaking of my heart, yours would break as well.”

“Don’t you understand, Quinn?” San replied furiously. “It will never be alright. It will be broken anyway as long as you’re not with me. I would rather die than not being able to love you. I will always love you.”

Quinn swallowed. Her knees felt wobbly and breathing was hard right now.

“Please. Let me,” San turned slowly to Quinn, taking her hand into hers. Quinn closed her eyes, feeling her hands on hers. San took Quinn’s face into her hand, feeling her, stoking over the skin of her cheeks.

She placed one hand on her chest above Quinn’s heart that beat rapidly.

“Please.”

Quinn looked at her lips so close to hers. They were wonderful and delicious, and she felt the urge to draw closer. She didn’t dare to raise her hand to San’s face as well. She knew, she would be caught in the fire, and then she would lose her duel. She had to go.  

As Quinn began to detach herself from their touch, San started to cry.

 “No, no please, don’t cry” Quinn croaked. “Please.” San smiled, silent tears ran over her cheeks. Quinn raised her thumb to brush them away quickly. Her finger lingered on her skin for a moment, before she pulled away.

“Goodbye,” she said quietly.

“Goodbye Quinn”, San replied.

*

Quinn found Noah by the shack in the old pine wood. San’s words had moved her. She was trying her best to abandon them from her head, as she needed her mind to be awake and empty. Her limbs had been tumbling after their meeting and it had taken a while to find strength in them again. How was she supposed to handle this love? She was going to die, she needed to remind herself. All she could do was living with this, feeling the warmth of her love in her heart, and try not to carry it in her head. Trying to feel it in her heart... that was easier said as done.

There were only a few people Quinn would give her life for: her family, because they were her family which she loved, obviously; her Daimyo because it was her duty and the task of a samurai, and San and Jeiku.  San was precious to her. Losing San or hurting her was the most painful she would ever feel. She would rather die than getting her hurt. Maybe San’s words and thoughts were not even that different from hers. San was broken without Quinn and Quinn was broken without San. San had already lost Jeiku, she didn’t deserve to lose Quinn as well. Quinn had to win this duel. She wanted to win for her family, and for Jeiku’s family’s honour. Soon she had arrived at the place that Noah had locked himself into. It was an old and wooden little shack, just in a little clearing, not far from the river. Quinn approached it and called him out.

“Noah! I know you are in here. This is Quinn. Come out. We need to talk!”

There was a silence. “Come out before I break in. I just wish to talk.”

It wasn’t a lie. She wanted to talk. Maybe she didn’t even have to fight. Maybe he would accept commiting _seppuku_. This would be an easier and better way to restore his honour.

“No. They sent you here to kill me, didn’t they? I’m not coming out.”

“You damaged your family’s reputation, Noah. You have to commit seppuku. Do this, and safe yourself, and nobody will kill you, I promise.”  
“Are you alone?”

“Yes”

“I’m still not coming out.”

“Do you want me to burn this shed down? Because I can, and you would have no other choice than come out or die.”

In a reasonable voice she added: “Noah come out and be no coward. I don’t think that’s what your father wanted you to be. You killed your brother. Will you have a little courage?”

But the hours passed by and nothing happened, Noah didn’t give any response. Quinn took seat on a tree a few feet away, so she could see, in case he flew through any back entrance. Quinn was in no rush and patient, and she believed that Noah’s tactic to stay in, made him more nervous than her. Then finally the _shoji_ was pushed open and a man with messy hair peered out.

“Where are you?” he bellowed. “I’m coming out, but only if I see where you are.”

“I’m right here,” Quinn jumped down from the branch, eyeing Noah. He looked terrible in his dirty clothes and unwashed face. He had Jeiku’s wakizashi and a longer, rusty sword drawn, ready to use it if he needed to. He stepped out of the shack. Quinn eyed Noah carefully. Her heart wanted to beat faster by the sight of Jeiku’s wakizashi he had taken with him after killing Jeiku. but she made sure to breathe steadily through her nose, keeping her teeth together. She drew a little closer. He was pitiable. Broken. Old. But in his eyes still flickered the indispensable desire to live, to not give up on his life.

“You need to commit seppuku,” Quinn continued, her hands hovered over her obi, ready to draw, ready to fight. Her mind empty.  “It’ll be okay,” she almost wanted to reassure him. Even though he was a murderer, he deserved to save at least a little bit of acceptation. Even when it was the last thing he would do. “I can be your second.”

Noah looked at her grim, but behind his eyes he considered her words. Then he shook his head.

“No, I don’t want to die.”

Inch by inch they drew closer to until they were circling each other in a fair distance.

With every step she did Quinn knew, that this was it. When she fixed his eyes he was the only thought on her mind. She never broke eye contact once.

They said, that the winner of a fight could already be decided before the sword is even drawn. Just looking into their eyes would tell who would lose. They looked at each other. One glance and you knew, lose or win. It was true. Noah spat on the ground. His movements were a little lopsided. Had he been drinking?

With a thud the wakizashi was thrown aside. He clutched only on the longer blade, pointing towards her throat. Quinn’s hand ran over the hilt of her katana. She clasped it and drew it. She met Noah in the same position of him, tip pointed straight at his throat, her shoulders were relaxed but she held tension in her feet and hips to be able to leap forward as fast as possible. Noah was much taller than her; much bigger. People would always argue about, that smaller people had the same chances in a duel than tall people, but at the end of the day, taller people always had the advantage when it came to the head. They could easily split the head as they were coming from above already and didn’t need to raise their hands much. But on the other hand everything which was the level of Quinn’s view, his throat, his belly, his arms, she could use to her advantage.

Quinn could feel the tension sent through their blades when the tips came in contact. She held her breath, watching his eyes intensively. He was impatient and his movements were edgy. It was hard for him to keep focused.  She could see the nervousness in his eyes. She could feel it at the tip of his blade. In the tiniest steps Quinn pushed herself forward, the side of her blade grazing along Noah’s. Then she pushed forward quickly, only her hands, to shorten the distance by a bit. He startled, taking a step back, and Quinn followed him one step forward immediately, increasing the pressure one him. Still he held his blade straight in position, and Quinn only waited for him to break the _kamae_ by the slightest. Without separating her blade too much she knocked under his blade, testing if he loses control. He trembled, but he held still. She could hear him breathing, his mouth didn’t close , which was a weakness. The next time he breathed in, she jerked forward, raising up her sword. He reacted fast. raising his hands over his head and came crashing down on Quinn’s head. She saw it and changed her movement. A breeze was what she felt when she disappeared under him, pulling the blade through. There was a silence for one moment, he stood before he fell on his knees. His face hit the ground. He was dead.

Quinn slipped her sword back into its sheath. Only when she turned around, she stopped holding her breath. It was over. She had done it. She bend down, picking up Jeiku’s Wakizashi, weighing it in her hand. Jeiku’s death was revenged, and his family honour restored. The shiny blade mirrored her face. A dizzy feeling rose in her head, when she watched her worn face in the blade. Something tricked from her forehead. It was blood. Her thought went to San. Beautiful San... When would she be able to see her again? Jeikus Wakizashi hugged to her chest, she fell over and into the darkness.

*

The world was dipped in light rose. Cherry blossoms blooming in full gorgeousness.  Her steps were as heavy as her heart as she walked over the mahogany  boards of the little bridge by the pond.  It was the loveliest time of the year. Frogs croaking was heard in the reed, giving the place a peaceful sound. San loved this place. She really did, since she had first been here. She would always remember the feeling when she first met Quinn here, met Lucy. It was a sunny morning and Quinn had fed the ducklings. She remembered greeting her, the stranger. Quinn was always polite. Such a nice girl, and behind the mask, she was so tough. She was a fighter. Not for the sake of fighting, but to protect the people she loved dearly. Oh how she missed her face, her smile, even though it was so thin sometimes, but enough to let San know how she felt and enough to keep her business face straight. How she missed her hands, how they said so much more than her words when she hid them behind her back being shy.  Somehow San could always tell what was going in her, she could see the trouble behind those eyes and Quinn wasn’t not even aware of how she could read her.  The way Quinn was looking at her, she could feel her looks,  gave her butterflies. It made her feel special; it made her feel like she could be one of the things Quinn loved. And she was. She knew she was. The way of the warrior could be a complicated one.  Often love towards a person and the way of a sword could be comparable. It was similar. It needed to be set free to work. No mind would ever be able to win a fight when it was attached to anything but you and your opponent. The person were always just as good as their mind was, the technique played a secondary role. Similar with love.  How was it possible to love someone if you held with your mind too tightly? It made you unfree, it made you blind. San understood Quinn’s hesitation, and to be honest, it was a little selfish to tell her right before she left. She needed to be unattached. More than anything she hoped that Quinn would come back. Ever since they had parted she had returned here every day to wait for her. With every single day, her heart became heavier and heavier. She hadn’t heard anything from her, and nobody in town had seen her.  It was torture, and it didn’t let her sleep at nights. In the day time she had visited Quinn’s family a lot and helped her mother, and her siblings with work and keeping them company. They welcomed her and they liked her and San had not the feeling that everything would ever be unaccepted in this family. It was Quinn’s family.

The sound of footsteps behind her, slow and soft, pulled her attention back to reality. Her hear beat fast like every time someone passed by, but it always died a little when it wasn’t Quinn. She considered turning around or not. If it was someone random, her hasty reaction wouldn’t be appropriate, but if it was her- her heart skipped at the fading imagination of her face- if it was her then… she wouldn’t even know how to react.

She turned her head a little, not too much, to take a look at the person from the corner of her eye. Her heart stopped when under the straw hat, she saw curls that were familiar to her. It was her… A trembling in her legs she had no control over and the way her stomach flipped like crazy verified that it was her. She was alive. Quinn walked closer slowly. San couldn’t see the smile spreading on the warriors face, as her gaze was still hafted on the tree before her, She didn’t dare to move. Her legs were frozen and her hands clambered around the railing of the bridge. Butterflies kicked up her stomach, pushing away the heaviness that had been there for too long now. She directed her gaze to her feet and one moment later she could see another pair of sandals appearing next to hers. Quinn stood beside her, glancing in front of her, where the ducking s followed their mother in a row. Silence lay between them in which nobody dared to move. It was a beautiful silence. San was able to hear Quinn’s steady breathing next to her. She glanced at Quinn’s hands at the railing, hesitating first, but then she put her right hand on San’s, covering hers. She could feel her smiling. It meant so much to her, as she set her ears on fire and not only that. She felt Quinn shifting. She closed her eyes by the touch of Quinn’s hands on her arms. Then she was being pulled gently, Quinn took her by both hands, bringing her close until she could feel her breath against her face. She didn’t dare to open her eyes.

“Look at me”, Quinn spoke in a whisper. San squint her eyes open, meeting those eyes she loved the most looking at her intensively. There was no way describe how perfect Quinn was to her. Quinn’s hand left burning traced on her skin when she detached it and moved them to her cheeks.  She held her so firmly and lightly at the same time it simply took San’s breath away. She wanted to let her know, but she had the feeling that Quinn already knew. Instead she looked at her lips; thin, pale and beautiful. Her gaze travelled back up to her eyes and caught tears in them. At her forehead, she could see a thick, pink scar, running along her head, almost giving her a samurai look without even shaving of the parting. San figured this was what she took from her mission about Noah.  San let her hand travel up to her face, gently running her fingers over her forehead and over the scar.  “You look beautiful,” she said, observing her eyes again. And no scar in the world could ever change that.  There was more unspoken communication between them than there was spoken. This was okay. Though, there was something on Quinn’s mind, she could feel it, something that wanted to be let out desperately. With a gentle tug on San’s obi, she brought their foreheads together. San felt dizzy being so close to her, and she closed her eyes.

“When I was out there after I had completed the mission, the only thing on my mind was you, and how much I wanted to see you again. I… I could have given up, but I forbid myself. I wanted to live on. For you. I realised how easy it is to die. I didn’t want to go without telling you that… that you are enriching my life like the cherry blossoms enrich this area, like the ducklings enrich the duck mother and…. “ she took another breath. “If it’s not too rude to ask, and if you are still willing… would you like to be mine to spend the rest of your life?”

She had barely spoken out the words as San flung her arms around Quinn, and pulled her into a tight hug.  She couldn’t help herself. But this time, Quinn let it happen, closing her arms around her waist.

They held each other on the bridge by the pond, until the sun disappeared slowly behind the cherry trees.

 


End file.
